With my annual apology to Clement Clarke Moore, here is my 2024 CFL-themed rendition of ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas. Enjoy and Merry Christmas to all.
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T’was the night before Christmas and all through the house,
Argos fans celebrated with friends and with spouse.
For once again, they secured the Grey Cup,
The very best trophy from which one could sup.
Be it a turkey, potatoes, or a fat Christmas ham,
Or perhaps on the coast, a chowder of clam.
Whatever the menu, the meal will taste fine,
Especially when paired with a fine Christmas whine.
There are many varieties from which fans can choose
Representing eight franchises that were destined to lose.
Each tried their best, but couldn’t be champs,
And now wallow in self-pity by the light of their lamps.
A moment to reflect on each is deserved,
And the right to do so is this poet’s reserved.
And so we will look at teams from West to East,
Rather than going from most wins to least.
Rourke returned to B.C. with midseason cheer,
But the team went and stumbled for the rest of the year.
With Rourke there full-time, can the Lions yet roar,
Or will it be their draft pick that continues to soar?
In Calgary, there was an end to tradition,
As no playoff spot did come to fruition.
Injuries created a roster of filler,
And losses did see the end of Coach Killer.
The Elks were sold to a reckless plane driver,
The fan base who stayed faithful are now true survivors.
Now with Kilam in Green and Gold attire,
They pray it’s the end of the Great Dumpster Fire.
Saskatchewan celebrated the first year of Coach Mace,
Who brought back stability to much of the place.
They took some steps forward, albeit with stumbles,
They led the loop in both lost and gained fumbles.
Winnipeg had what other West teams lacked,
But it didn’t stop them from going back-to-back-to-back.
With rings from 2021 that fit on them still,
They kept themselves from being the modern Buffalo Bills.
In Steeltown, it was a nice bounce-back for Bo,
Though Hamilton did place in the standings too low.
M.O.P. voters were still offered the chance,
To vote for the QB who missed out on the dance.
To Ottawa, where Dru Brown was the shiny new face,
But the season ended up in a familiar third place.
There are positives on which the Redblacks can build,
But they’ll need players recruited who are exceptionally skilled.
For last year’s big champs the season was sweet,
Though the Als suffered a playoff defeat.
Their 12 wins were a league-leading best,
Even if they failed the ultimate test.
In the CFL office, a new Christmas wish,
Hoping for the right hire at Commish.
Someone who speaks with passion and panache,
While still a puppet with nine hands up their (redacted).
Meanwhile, the PA was ready with feathers and tar,
Publishing many bad grades on the first report card.
These were sure to cause some internal torment,
But teams instead offered a static “no comment.”
The carousel has started for both coaches and quarterbacks,
With teams hoping the new guy has what the previous one lacks.
Moved Monson, Mark Kilam, Rick Campbell, and Jackson,
Traded Cody Fajardo and McLeod Bethel-Thompson.
Vernon Adams Jr. is no longer a Lion,
His contract too pricey to be riding the pine.
To West rival Calgary, Adams was traded,
To replace Jake Maier, whose welcome had faded.
Maier, in turn, was then sent to the Riders,
A new place to call home, to sip Christmas cider.
When the wheel stops spinning is anyone’s guess,
As teams all look to become the best.
For the next week, players will hang stockings with care,
Looking for bonuses and extensions to be there.
GMs will be Santas, with plenty of offers,
Draining anything leftover from last season’s coffers.
You’ll hear it all first when you check 3DownNation,
Who put the CFL in its appropriate station.
The best of all leagues, the game at its peak.
Covered by writers more than just once a week.
We know that like us, you can’t get enough,
Of the rouge, dribble kick, and all that good stuff.
That makes it our game, and fills us with pride,
And keeps our attention, ride after ride.
So from us football nerds, to you our dear readers,
We will continue to be the media leaders.
And cover this game with all of our might,
So, Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a good night!
