Dumb & Dumber: Placing strange bets on the CFL

It appears we’re headed toward a world where we’ll be able to place individual bets on CFL games.

Single-event sports betting has become a hot topic over the last number of weeks in the House of Commons. It’s a rare issue that seems to have a general level of support across all parties.

Whether or not this “saves” the CFL is certainly up for debate, but it’s definitely a source of revenue that the league should be excited to explore. As noted by many, it would be a good way for the league to connect with a new audience, too — something it badly needs.

You’ve heard all of that before, though — that’s not what this is about.

Yes, I’m going off the rails again. Here are some pretty dumb bets I’d like to see available to CFL fans.

Dunk bombs

Few break news in the CFL like 3DownNation‘s Justin Dunk. If he reports it, you know it’s happening.

So, how many stories will he break over the course of the 2021 season?

Going back to the 2019 season and counting how many stories the Dunkster broke seems like an impossible task. So, whatever the line might be feels like a complete guess and is either going to be big for the house or the bettors.

A pace of one a week seems reasonable, so let’s say over/under 21.5.

Maybe Dunk will bet on himself, not that he needs the extra motivation.

Bad takes

Opposite of Dunk is my 3Down Green Cast co-host, John Fraser.

Fraser is notoriously wrong. So wrong about things that the Fraser curse exists. He used it all the way to the Bombers winning the 2019 Grey Cup.

During the season we’ll record about once a week, so the over/under is set at 21.5 cold takes over the course of the season.

Sold out

Since local craft beer was introduced at Mosaic Stadium, the local suds have sold out every game, usually by some time in the third quarter at the latest.

This bet would change every week depending on factors like weather and selections available.

The first game where a large capacity of fans are allowed to attend? I’d probably put my money on the three-minute warning before the half.

C’mon ref! 

CFL officials take a lot of heat — sometimes deserved, sometimes not.

Well, here’s an opportunity to cheer for them doing something that is usually annoying. One thing the stripes like to do in this league is gathering as a group and chat about a call, especially when Al Bradbury is calling the game.

If Bradbury is calling the game, I’d put the over/under at 2.5 conferences. If he’s not? It would go down to 1.5.

Beer snake

Not at Investors Group Field to add your cups to the legendary beer snake? No problem, you can now get it on the fun.

Place your bets on how big you think it’s going to get. We’ll open with an over/under of 1,100.5 cups.

World’s Fastest Cow

One of the CFL’s best in-game segments can now be brought to the masses.

By now we’re all aware of the race that takes place between the World’s Fastest Cow and a normal human at Calgary Stampeders games.

Get your bets in early for both the winner and time. The cow losing would be a long-shot but would bring quite the return.

Also available at Stampeders games are lap times and total run time for Quick Six.

Shoe Beer

Along the lines of in-game entertainment, there’s someone in the upper south-side of Redblacks games that drinks a beer out of his shoe.

Bets would be available for the product of choice and consumption time.

Seagulls

They take over Montreal Alouettes games in the fourth quarter. If you haven’t seen the birds flock to Percival Molson Stadium late in the game, you should — it’s interesting how they seem to know when leftover food is going to be available.

How many? That’s the bet. Over/under set at 50.5. You could also bet on what time in the game the first one arrives.

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