‘Twas the Night Before CFL Christmas

Every year I do a Grey Cup parody of ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas that talks about the teams and fans alike as we look ahead to the game to come.

This year, there was no Grey Cup due to the pandemic and so the benevolent overlords at 3DownNation decided I should instead save it for the day intended rather than the day we all hope to be a part of.

So with apologies in advance to the ghost of Clement Clark Moore, we begin!

 

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the league

Fans, players, and coaches suffered COVID Fatigue

Season tickets had been thrown into the fire,

A pandemic the reason that let them expire

 

Fans of the Bombers didn’t seem much to mind

As since 1990 they’d been so maligned

So the trophy in Winnipeg was destined to stay

As fans tightened their grip on the Cup of Lord Grey

 

Elsewhere GMs tossed and turned in their beds

Nightmares of roster holes filling their heads

Cancelling parties, reunions, and other engagements

To answer the calls of pending free agents

 

Contract negotiations filling their days

As players lined up just trying to get paid

Some of the numbers may be an illusion

If one believes the reports of collusion

 

The Commissioner has sat in his office all year

Pitching the world to buy some league gear

Jerseys and hoodies, or a jaunty chapeau

Every day selling our game (two point oh)

 

The fans of the league were left with their memories

Watching games on cable proved not quite the remedy

They’d tune in each Friday, with their snacks and their booze

Wondering how many times they could watch Saskatchewan lose

 

In Calgary they wondered about Bo Levi Mitchell

His newly-fixed shoulder might just prove to be fickle

The Redblacks had signed his former backup Arbuckle

After Huf and Dicky made him tough as a knuckle

 

The winds of change blew over the Lions

As they suffered the loss of a CFL giant

A new GM and a question of money

When Mike Reilly declared that something was funny

 

In Toronto, the Argos fight to stay afloat

Hoping to bring back fans like they brought back the boat

Whether anyone notices at MLSE

Is something we are all going to have to wait to see

 

A new name and new logo for the Edmonton club

With so many choices, it’s so easy to flub

They’ll have to work hard to keep everything straight,

To avoid a new moniker that their fans will all hate

 

The Alouettes’ new owners don’t need to be fancy

Just start winning games before fans there get antsy

While Hamilton fans want to see action

As they see their team gaining some traction

 

It’s like we were walking with a permanent haze on

Spending our days arguing pineapple and raisin

Pizza toppings and the tart made of butter

Were the only topics that made our hearts go a flutter

 

Some fans would question if the league could survive

While here, loyal readers still prove it can thrive

We’ve all waited patiently, our fandom still keen

As we searched for the news of a COVID vaccine

 

Oh Pfizer, Moderna, and GlaxoSmithKline

Please send us the shots for which we all pine

Give them to coaches, cheerleaders and especially players

So we can go back to watching while all dressed in layers

 

For the football we love with all of our hearts

And root for our teams, in defiance of smarts

All across Canada, in cities and towns

We just want to see our beloved 3Downs

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