Every year I do a Grey Cup parody of ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas that talks about the teams and fans alike as we look ahead to the game to come.
This year, there was no Grey Cup due to the pandemic and so the benevolent overlords at 3DownNation decided I should instead save it for the day intended rather than the day we all hope to be a part of.
So with apologies in advance to the ghost of Clement Clark Moore, we begin!
Twas the night before Christmas and all through the league
Fans, players, and coaches suffered COVID Fatigue
Season tickets had been thrown into the fire,
A pandemic the reason that let them expire
Fans of the Bombers didn’t seem much to mind
As since 1990 they’d been so maligned
So the trophy in Winnipeg was destined to stay
As fans tightened their grip on the Cup of Lord Grey
Elsewhere GMs tossed and turned in their beds
Nightmares of roster holes filling their heads
Cancelling parties, reunions, and other engagements
To answer the calls of pending free agents
Contract negotiations filling their days
As players lined up just trying to get paid
Some of the numbers may be an illusion
If one believes the reports of collusion
The Commissioner has sat in his office all year
Pitching the world to buy some league gear
Jerseys and hoodies, or a jaunty chapeau
Every day selling our game (two point oh)
The fans of the league were left with their memories
Watching games on cable proved not quite the remedy
They’d tune in each Friday, with their snacks and their booze
Wondering how many times they could watch Saskatchewan lose
In Calgary they wondered about Bo Levi Mitchell
His newly-fixed shoulder might just prove to be fickle
The Redblacks had signed his former backup Arbuckle
After Huf and Dicky made him tough as a knuckle
The winds of change blew over the Lions
As they suffered the loss of a CFL giant
A new GM and a question of money
When Mike Reilly declared that something was funny
In Toronto, the Argos fight to stay afloat
Hoping to bring back fans like they brought back the boat
Whether anyone notices at MLSE
Is something we are all going to have to wait to see
A new name and new logo for the Edmonton club
With so many choices, it’s so easy to flub
They’ll have to work hard to keep everything straight,
To avoid a new moniker that their fans will all hate
The Alouettes’ new owners don’t need to be fancy
Just start winning games before fans there get antsy
While Hamilton fans want to see action
As they see their team gaining some traction
It’s like we were walking with a permanent haze on
Spending our days arguing pineapple and raisin
Pizza toppings and the tart made of butter
Were the only topics that made our hearts go a flutter
Some fans would question if the league could survive
While here, loyal readers still prove it can thrive
We’ve all waited patiently, our fandom still keen
As we searched for the news of a COVID vaccine
Oh Pfizer, Moderna, and GlaxoSmithKline
Please send us the shots for which we all pine
Give them to coaches, cheerleaders and especially players
So we can go back to watching while all dressed in layers
For the football we love with all of our hearts
And root for our teams, in defiance of smarts
All across Canada, in cities and towns
We just want to see our beloved 3Downs
