Dumb & Dumber: What if football roster management was like curling?

As I’m sure like four of you are aware, we’re through the bulk of curling’s “free agency” season.

Teams are changing their rosters for next season. It’s something that generally happens every year, especially amongst teams that, shall we say, have a less than ideal shot at representing Canada at the Olympics.

This year? We’ve seen movement by contenders like Rachel Homan, Kevin Koe, and Jennifer Jones even though we’re less than a year away from the Olympic trials. A tight timeline for top teams to be making big changes.

We’ve even seen some big shake-ups here in Saskatchewan with provincial contending skip Kirk Muyers joining Matt Dunstone’s rink. Colton Flasch is coming back home to skip his own team too.

Regardless, I’m not here to breakdown the moves. That will be for the hopeful, eventual launch of our sister-site 8EndNation.com run by myself, John Hodge and John Fraser.

No, I’m here to do something dumb again.

You see, in curling, the skip is essentially the team’s general manager. They’ll make the bulk of the decisions, sometimes in consultation with the remaining members of the team.

What if we took this idea and applied it to football? In this made-up world, quarterbacks are now in charge of player personnel, oh and contracts are basically null and void. Nothing matters. Chaos reigns supreme. The salary cap is no more. Anyone can move anywhere (something that does seem more possible than ever.)

What moves would the CFL’s quarterbacks make? Here’s one from every presumptive starting pivot across the league.

Mike Reilly

The obvious move for Reilly here is to upgrade his offensive line. However, he needs more from the other side of the ball too.

Reilly brings in Almondo Sewell from Edmonton to work alongside Micah Johnson. A defensive front like that takes a lot of pressure off the offence.

Trevor Harris

Harris has it pretty good in Edmonton. He’s got a new coaching staff to work with and plenty of weapons on offence. A change in philosophy on defence should help the team out too.

Harris probably reaches into his past again and brings Brad Sinopoli to Edmonton, re-uniting the Canadian receiver with Greg Ellingson.

Bo Levi Mitchell

What else could Mitchell want? He’s been with the most consistent franchise in the CFL for the duration of his career. They’re always in the mix.

The Stamps have often been at their best with a dominant running back. With that in mind, Mitchell tries to lure Andrew Harris or William Powell to Calgary. Doesn’t matter which. Either will help his cause and hurt another contending team in the West.

Cody Fajardo

Fajardo probably already got the move he wanted to make with the addition of Jason Maas as offensive coordinator.

With a variety of receivers at his disposal and a strong backfield, Fajardo sees the need to plug a hole along the defensive line by bringing in Ted Laurent from Hamilton going all-Canadian at tackle.

Zach Collaros

The defending champs don’t need much, but Collaros is pretty self-aware in his decision making. He knows he needs a reliable backup quarterback as he’s likely to miss some games.

So, Collaros chats up McLeod Bethel-Thompson after the two spent some time together last year. Yeah, he might be “competing” with Matt Nichols for the starting job in Toronto as it currently stands but Winnipeg presents a great opportunity for last season’s passing touchdown leader.

Jeremiah Masoli

At this point, Masoli is in the strongest position of all teams. He’s got a chance to just build upon what they already have. He can be like Jones and bring in Lisa Weagle and do something unorthodox.

Masoli finds a way to add Khari Jones from Montreal to their coaching staff because why not? They’ve got basically everything else.

Matt Nichols

Speaking of Nichols, it’s pretty obvious what he’s going to want to bring to the Argos — beef.

Nichols raids his former team and takes as much of the Blue Bombers offensive line as possible with him, starting with perennial all-star left tackle Stanley Bryant.

Nick Arbuckle

Even though Arbuckle is excited to work with offensive guru Paul LaPolice, there’s still the comforts of what he knows.

So, Arbuckle digs into his past and brings in some help from the Calgary Stampeders by bringing in Kamar Jorden and Eric Rogers.

Vernon Adams Jr. 

It’s been a difficult off-season for Adams. He’s looking to bring in some more weapons in the receiving corps.

He ends up being the one to sign Derel Walker and convinces DeVier Posey to leave Hamilton and come back to Montreal.

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