Rouge One: A CFL Story

It has been a while since we did one of these, but with the upcoming release of Rogue One: A Star Wars Story, I thought now would be a good time to cast some CFL players in classic Star Wars roles. Please, don’t take this too seriously because it is all in good fun. Let’s get to it. And a tip of my cap to my colleague John Hodge who provided all the pictures you will see below.

Wally Buono as Yoda

The wisest of all the Jedi is Yoda and if there is one person in the CFL who embodies everything Yoda is about it is B.C. Lions head coach Wally Buono. Buono has seen it all and done it all, just like Yoda. He has trained many a player and coach to do great things, so there is no one better to be our Yoda than Buono.

Travis Lulay as Obi-Wan Kenobi

Lulay is one of the many players to learn under the tutelage of Buono (Yoda), and now he is mentoring his own padawan in the ways of the Force. Lulay, like Obi-Wan, can still go when needed, but his role is no longer that of the general on the battlefront, but as the teacher shepherding along the newest Jedi recruits.

Jonathon Jennings as Luke Skywalker

Like Luke in Star Wars, Jennings is still early in his development, but you can tell that all the skills are there. He is learning under a pair of Jedi masters and that training will go a long way into possibly making him the most powerful Jedi ever.

Henry Burris as Darth Vader

“Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.” Those are the words of Jedi master Yoda to a young Anakin Skywalker in The Phantom Menace and they are words that a young Henry Burris probably needed to hear. If there is one player in the CFL who uses hate to fuel him, it is Hank. He is our Vader.

Bo Levi Mitchell as Han Solo

Cool, brash and kind of a scoundrel is a great way to describe Bo Levi Mitchell and that is why he is our Han Solo. Solo is a bit rough around the edges and he plays by his own rules, but at the end of the day he is a very important part of the rebellion against the Empire. Some might say that Mitchell’s tweets that exposed the shenanigans in Riderland helped bring down that empire, so this fits pretty well.

Spencer Wilson as Chewbacca

Big? He’s 6-foot-6, 300+ lbs. Hairy? He’s got a wicked beard. Protects our Han Solo? Duh. Say hello to Chewie Wilson.

Bear Woods as Prince Leia

This was tough, but ultimately when you take out Leia’s gender, what do you have? Someone who is mentally strong, a great leader and willing to sacrifice for the greater good. Those are all qualities that Bear Woods possesses.

Chris Jones as Emperor Palpatine

I know the Eskimos fashion themselves as the evil empire — and a lot of their shenanigans this year have them angling to retake that title — but the current bad guys of the CFL are the Saskatchewan Roughriders and their leader, Chris Jones, is clearly the best choice for the role of Emperor Palpatine. He oversees pretty much every aspect of the organization and amassed a player army, pre-practice squad and all, that would rival the size of the clone army Palpatine oversees. Jones is the obvious choice for this role.

Simoni Lawrence and Shamawd Chambers as R2-D2 and C-3PO

If you spend any time on social media, especially Twitter, you can see why these two fill these roles. They bicker with one another, but are clearly friends and they provide some excellent comic relief. They are two chatterboxes that just make you laugh. This was pretty much a no-brainer.

Odell Willis as Lando Calrissian

Willis is a pretty cool dude and to be Lando you have to be one thing above all else and that is cool. Willis is also a guy who has a bit of a rebel streak in him, which suits the role of Lando very well.

Weston Dressler and Ryan Smith as Ewoks

C’mon, you knew this was coming. After the Riders cracked on the Bombers with a height joke following the signings of these two, there was no way they weren’t going to be my Ewoks.

Josh Smith has been writing about the Ticats and the CFL since 2010 and was sporting his beard way before it was cool. Will be long after, too.