Why your team won’t win the Grey Cup

As playoff excitement builds, you’ll find no shortage of articles breaking down matchups, prognosticating favourites and trying to look trendy with a sneaky dark horse pick. This piece isn’t one of those.

Instead, if you keep reading, you’ll find out why your team, that’s right the one YOU specifically cheer for, won’t be hoisting and drinking beer out of the Grey Cup on November 26th.

Shall we get started?

Saskatchewan

Regular season record: 10-8 (4th in the West)

Killer stat: 44 sacks allowed (worst among playoff teams)

The most obvious thing to point out when talking about Saskatchewan is that a crossover team has never made it past the East Final, so what makes Rider Nation think anything about this group screams history in the making? Is it the fact that their best offensive player starts on defence? Or that their two QB rotation system consists of a journeyman with a history of delivering stinkers in the playoffs and a rookie who leads the league in dropped interceptions? Also, Brendon LaBatte (the team’s best offensive lineman) is out injured. But hey, at least you won’t have to re-live this, as Chris Jones and his coaching staff can (probably) count to 13.

Edmonton

Regular season record: 12-6 (3rd in the West)

Killer stat: 495 points against (most among playoff teams)

In the regular season, the Eskimos were flagged 158 times and there’s no indication that their undisciplined play won’t carry over into the playoffs. That’s why the smart money is on the over when it comes to Jason Maas blowing a gasket at key moments. If a head coach can’t keep his cool, do you really think his players will in a pressure-packed playoff game? Edmonton might be riding a five-game winning streak but their defence gets pushed around and they happen to play the Bombers on Sunday, the only team they’ve failed to beat this season.

Winnipeg

Regular season record: 12-6 (2nd in the West)

Killer stat: Opponents average 396.9 yards of offence vs the Blue Bombers

The good news for Winnipeg is that QB Matt Nichols will play on Sunday. The bad is that he’s currently held together by duct tape and positive vibes. Speaking of injuries, the Bombers also won’t have their leading receiver or best defensive playmaker for the duration of the playoffs. Plus, you just know Mike O’Shea is going to outthink himself and call a fake field goal from the 1-yard line that somehow results in a 109-yard pick-six.

Calgary

Regular season record: 13-4-1 (1st in the West)

Killer stat: 64.6% QB completion rate

It can’t be called a choke job if you aren’t Grey Cup favourites, right? Maybe that’s an unfair shot at a perennial double-digit win team but it can’t be a coincidence that every Stamps fan you meet knows how to perform the Heimlich maneuver. In any case, the ice-cold Stampeders are losers of three straight and QB Bo Levi Mitchell has a bum shoulder. Given their history of underwhelming playoff performances, why should this year be any different?

Ottawa

Regular season record: 8-9-1 (2nd in the East)

Killer stat: 56 points off of 22 turnovers

Not only do the Redblacks suck at generating turnovers, but even when they do force a takeaway, they rarely turn it into points. That bodes ill for a team that’s played in a CFL record 14 single score games. But given that every Redblacks game is basically a toss up, there’s still a 50 per cent chance they get to the Grey Cup game. That said, if there was ever a team capable of disappointing 35,000 rabid fans at home, this is it. After all, R-Nation has sold out nearly every game in franchise history, yet Ottawa sports a feeble 16-29-2 lifetime record at TD Place.

Toronto

Regular season record: 9-9 (1st in the East)

Killer stat: 130 pressures allowed

Ricky Ray might be a future Hall of Famer in the midst of a MOP-type season, but he’s got the mobility of a statue. All of the weapons at his disposal (S.J. Green, Armanti Edwards, James Wilder) and Mark Trestman’s play-calling wizardry are for naught if Ray is laid out on his back. And although the Argos are hosting the East Final, is it really home field advantage if there are more opposing fans in the building than local ones? I kid, but it’s a given that either R-Nation or Rider Nation is invading the 6ix on Nov. 19th. 

*Hamilton, BC and Montreal are not included in this article because upon further review, the Command Centre has confirmed that they did not make the playoffs

Santino Filoso

Santino Filoso

Born and raised in the 613, Santino has written about the Redblacks since 2013. He is the only CFL writer currently living in Brazil (as far as we know.)
Santino Filoso
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Santino Filoso
About Santino Filoso (171 Articles)
Born and raised in the 613, Santino has written about the Redblacks since 2013. He is the only CFL writer currently living in Brazil (as far as we know.)

19 Comments on Why your team won’t win the Grey Cup

  1. Blue Rules // November 10, 2017 at 2:32 pm //

    “Why your team wont win the Grey Cup” cus you Saskatchewan!!6

  2. 44 sacks allowed, otherwise known as the Dan Clark effect. And Clark is back in the starting lineup, so this will be something to watch.

  3. This article is funny. Guaranteed to be right for 5 out of the 6 teams profiled. (As a Cats fan I really wish it could be right for all 6.)

  4. Keith Robbins // November 10, 2017 at 2:59 pm //

    every time I try to be objective when reading Filoso’s articles and think, “maybe this time he won’t reek of that cologne we call homerism”, he takes it to a new level”. The only team he hinted that had a chance of winning the grey cup was his beloved Riders, oops, I mean renegades. This guy has no shame. Wait until the predictions come out. I guarantee he will be picking his beloved Ottawas. He has failed to pick another team this year when playing the Ottawas. Check it out for yourself. He has picked Ottawa to win 18 times…and counting!

  5. justforkicks // November 10, 2017 at 3:03 pm //

    Great article! Everyone needs a sense of humour and not be quite so serious about their team.
    I have to miss the last half of Sat ESF but I expect it will be an exciting game.
    Go Riders! Go CFL!

  6. White Horse // November 10, 2017 at 3:17 pm //

    Just for Kicks…the game is actually on Sunday, so you will now be able to watch the entire game!

  7. Anthony Kaduck // November 10, 2017 at 4:21 pm //

    Great article. Which team will break out of their mould to win? Beats me at this point.

  8. I’m predicting a Toronto/Edmonton GC but this is the first year that it could be any combination of teams that are in the playoffs. I don’t see any teams that will be an easy pushover and what should be the favorite, Calgary, just hasn’t looked that good lately. Mitchell’s accuracy hasn’t been great lately and if you get to Messam early he tends to shut down for the rest of the game. I mean, really, Duron Carter took him down one on one. That’s like being tackled by the kicker.

  9. Just a ‘Rider fan // November 10, 2017 at 4:44 pm //

    Hahahaha! Good stuff.

  10. Tommy Douglas // November 10, 2017 at 5:01 pm //

    I don’t care who wins as long as it isn’t Calgary.

    • TwoTurnTablesandaMicrophone // November 10, 2017 at 5:28 pm //

      If you wish hard enough your lifelong dream will be a reality. They are so evil aren’t they? Let’s hope they never win a cup ever again.

    • George Porge // November 11, 2017 at 2:03 pm //

      Always a lot easier to root for five teams instead of just one.

  11. I’m rooting’ for the ‘Peg. Good ol’ Canadian boy in Oshea, and another good’un with Harris. They’re the only team that I don’t hate some or all. Don’t like Jones, Campbell or Trophy-Ears, can’t root for the Argos, and wish the worst for the Stamps. Go Bombers

  12. justforkicks // November 10, 2017 at 8:41 pm //

    Once I get past Riders my picks are open. Game time decision possibly for the rest. Looking forward to some great games! Have to admit cheering for Calgary has been difficult in the past. Maybe because I was going with the underdogs.

  13. Matt Duckworth // November 11, 2017 at 10:07 am //

    A lot of people believe that their team’s will matter in the playoffs. ” Sure it will just like I won the lottery NOT” . When a team competes in playoffs majority of the time the league stats don’t mean a thing. Playoffs mean that much more to a player who has never been in the playoffs and their intensity has increased tofold.

  14. joe thibodeau // November 11, 2017 at 12:04 pm //

    looks like the command center has the call right ….they went out of there way this year to make sure it was not hamilton

  15. This article is garbage. He rips everyone except “R Nation”

  16. Dundas dude // November 12, 2017 at 6:40 am //

    I know why my team won’t win the Cup this year (but there’s lots of optimism for 2018, at least). Oh what could’ve been without that 0-8 start. We need June Jones, Jeremiah Masoli, Brandon Banks, and Luke Tasker back. I hope all six of these teams lose this year!

Comments are closed.