The nine CFL teams as the Oscars Best Picture nominees

The 89th Academy Awards are tonight, with nine films vying for the big prize of Best Picture. Nine films? Why, there are nine CFL teams, too! You know what that means? Yup, here are nine CFL teams and their 2017 Best Picture counterpart.

Calgary Stampeders (Arrival)

In a just world Arrival would be a lock to win Best Picture. It had an amazing story, an incredible performance by Amy Adams and an ending that you don’t see coming. It was a truly fabulous film. The Calgary Stampeders are the best football team in the CFL and in a just world, they would be the defending Grey Cup champions heading into 2017. But they aren’t, and much like the Stamps, Arrival will also go home empty handed.

Monteal Alouettes (Fences)

While it is getting great reviews for a couple of stellar performances — both Denzel Washington and Viola Davis are up for Best Actor and Best Supporting Actress, respectively — critics of Fences will tell you that it is almost a carbon copy of the play it is based on. The Montreal Alouettes had a couple great veteran performers of their own last season — namely Nik Lewis and Jovon Johnson — their downfall in 2016 was almost a carbon copy of their downfall in 2015 (the team did not have a good head coach).

Saskatchewan Roughriders (Hacksaw Ridge)

Hacksaw Ridge is about a guy who goes to war, but decides the rules of war are not for him and goes about doing things his own way. Doing things his own way sounds a lot like the man who runs the Saskatchewan Roughriders, Chris Jones. Whether it is a pre-practice squad, thumbing his nose at the ratio or working out players on another team’s neg list, Jones is seemingly doing things his way, rules be damned. Also, let’s face it, Hacksaw Ridge has no chance of winning, and neither did the Riders last year.

Winnipeg Blue Bombers (Hell or High Water)

On paper, the Winnipeg Blue Bombers should not have been any good last year. They were coming into the season with a lame duck coach after back-to-back losing seasons with him at the helm, and the team started 1-4. It looked bleak. But the Bombers turned it around, finished 11-7 and were a dumb decision away from potentially playing in the West Final. Much like the Bombers, Hell or High Water was also surprisingly good. No one expected much from the Chris Pine starring flick when it was released in September, but it proved to be a lot better than most anticipated, just like the 2016 Winnipeg Blue Bombers.

Toronto Argonauts (Hidden Figures)

This was the second-easiest pairing to make. The film is about people in the background who don’t get the publicity they should for the part they play, and the Argos are a team that gets next-to-no publicity despite playing in the country’s largest media market with the country’s largest population.

Ottawa Redblacks (La La Land)

La La Land is expected to take home the big prize, but in fairness, it doesn’t really deserve it. It is not the best movie of 2016, it is kind of overrated and its leads are really unlikeable characters. Hello, Redblacks fans that will bash me in the comments. Let’s face it, while Ottawa won the Grey Cup, they have to rank as one of the least deserving champions in CFL history. They finished under .500 with an 8-9-1 record, won a weak division and got hot at the right time. They, just like La La Land, had a lead (Henry Burris) who is only liked by a small segment of people. La La Land will win and its fans will rejoice, but the rest of the movie-going public will groan and say Arrival deserved it more.

B.C. Lions (Lion)

Outside the obvious tile ties, the B.C. Lions are also like the movie Lion in that it is probably the least-seen film of the nine up for Best Picture, much like the Lions are the least-watched CFL team. Neither is either of their faults. Lion is a really great flick starring Dev Patel that people really should go see, and the B.C. Lions have the misfortune of playing their games when a vast majority of the country is asleep. Basically what I am saying is Lion is great and you should stay up to watch the B.C. Lions (especially this year, because that offense is going to be worth the sleepless nights).

Hamilton Tiger-Cats (Manchester by the Sea)

Depressing. Manchester by the Sea is easily the most depressing movie you will see, maybe ever. It is just a never-ending downer. Being a Ticats fan can be equally as depressing. It has been way too long (17 years) since the Ticats last won a championship. Believe me, that’s depressing. Also, Hamilton has been a presumed front runner for the last few years, but yet when the season ends, they fall short. Casey Affleck, the male lead in Manchester by the Sea was considered a lock for Best Actor, but as the awards season has gone on, his grip on the award has loosened and now it is no longer guaranteed that Mr. Affleck will take home the award.

Edmonton Eskimos (Moonlight)

Moonlight has some of the best performances of the year in it. Mahershala Ali is incredible, and the trio of actors — Alex Hibert, Ashton Sanders and Trevante Rhodes — who play Chiron as he goes from childhood to adulthood are magnificent. The Edmonton Eskimos had some of the best individual performers in 2016, from Mike Reilly to Adarius Bowman to Derel Walker. While their season fell short of their ultimate team goal, individually they put together three of the finest seasons we have seen in some time. Moonlight will probably not win the ultimate prize, but Ali could very well earn himself a Best Supporting Actor Oscar and the performances of Piner, Jerome and Holland will not soon be forgotten.

Josh Smith

Josh Smith

Josh has been writing about the Ticats and the CFL since 2010 and was sporting his beard way before it was cool. Will be long after, too.
Josh Smith
Josh Smith
About Josh Smith (333 Articles)
Josh has been writing about the Ticats and the CFL since 2010 and was sporting his beard way before it was cool. Will be long after, too.

15 Comments on The nine CFL teams as the Oscars Best Picture nominees

  1. Very cleaver Josh
    So now everyone is clear the best team in CFL doesn’t necessarily always win the prize. I think everyone but rider fans realize this

  2. Sea of Dead // February 26, 2017 at 12:11 pm //

    Always like your stuff, Josh, but this perhaps may be the best thing you’ve ever written. Your former English teachers would be proud of you (but honestly I didn’t look for spelling/grammatical errors … Just loved the content). You should make this an annual tradition.

    Always hoping that the Cats will do well but suspect things likely will go as they often have of late based on what I’ve witnessed to date. Hollywood can’t possibly come out with another depressing movie in 2017, can they?

  3. Jimmy Breslin // February 26, 2017 at 4:44 pm //

    Poor sour/loser/homer Josh just can’t get over the REDBLACKS fantastic finish can he ? First beating the Cats twice in a row then the Bombers on the road when they had to in order to clinch first overall, then Edmonton in the division Final, thus sweeping the defending ’15 champs, then the classic Grey Cup victory over Calgary, a game veteran league watchers have called perhaps the greatest GC ever played. Now take out Ottawa and plug in Hamilton instead. Would he have called the Cats “the least deserving Champions in CFL history ?” – anybody care to venture a guess on that ? what a clown !

    • Be nice. It’s almost March and Josh STILL hasn’t gotten over it. That’s how difficult it is for him to accept. It can’t be easy to wake up so bitter every morning, constantly reminded of his team’s past terrible personnel decision and how they’ve come back to haunt them repeatedly. This kind of pettiness is all he has to get him through the day anymore.

      • Jimmy Breslin // February 27, 2017 at 8:37 am //

        I hear ya CC Rider. Just imagining the over-the-top hyperbole we’d be subjected too had the Cats somehow beaten Ottawa coming out of the East and mounted their own dramatic rise to CFL supremacy. What you get you’re just a fanboy (Smith) rather than a credible sports columnist.

    • George Fogarty // February 28, 2017 at 9:12 am //

      Yeah poor Josh, tweets about the CFL being a bush league and that he is finished with it and continues to write about it.

      Glad there are a lot of award shows and movies about comic books coming out so he can write some more outstanding pieces comparing CFL players to whatever comic book movie is the flavour of the month. Keep up the great work hypocrite.

  4. I was a big fan of this website until I had the misfortune of reading this rant. Seven years writing for the same team has made this guy numb to what is really going on in the league. On November 27, 2016 the nation witnessed the greatest Grey Cup game ever played. But this guy has the gaul to call the Redblacks “the least deserving Champions in CFL history”. Its crap like this that makes the league look second rate. Maybe stick to writing comics for the Hamilton papers.

  5. The goal of every team is to win the cup.Regular season determines if and how easy your playoff route will be.Yes East was a weak division but nothing should take away from their victory.They hoisted trophy at end bottom line

  6. JsBODEEN redblacks // February 27, 2017 at 1:00 pm //

    Wow you must be really bored Smith.I don’t know about your knowledge and critique of movies but you don’t know fuck all about football

  7. George Porge // February 27, 2017 at 2:33 pm //

    I’m a die-hard Stampeders fan, and I’ll be the first to say that the Redblacks absolutely deserved to win the cup. They were the only team in the league able to beat the Stampeders in meaningful games in the season, and they were the team to beat them in the most meaningful game in the post-season.

    And everyone loves Henry Burris – save for a few – ahem – special fans.

    • I will correct you .Ottawa never beat us in regular season (they did tie us however) ,BC was in fact the only team to beat us in a meaningful regular season game

  8. lol rider fans still can’t stand the fact he wouldn’t resign there in 2005.They can’t stand the fact there own ridiculous actions where partly behind that decision

  9. Smith, each article is more pathetic than the previous one. This site is full of great information, with great fans of the CFL. It’s both sad and pathetic that you can’t put your ignorance and obvious bias aside.

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